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Apr. 2nd, 2010 | 07:26 am
location: Home
mood: sick sick
music: Requiem for a Dream

Sometimes I can't help but feel like you're losing interest.

I need to better myself, I really really do. I want to feel worthy of this love that I'm experiencing.

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Mar. 7th, 2010 | 10:05 pm
location: My Mind, Soul, and Heart
music: "everything i do" by bryan adams

I've been meaning to post an entry specifically about Benji for over a month now. About how he makes me feel, about the way he's changed my life, and me as a person.

Ben has only been in my life for a couple of months, really. January brought the start of a new year. New beginnings. A fresh journey on the horizon.

I had no idea where I was going.

He was there. Lending me his kind words, his support, his attention, time, and love. He was there for me more than anyone else. I hadn't even met him, let alone communicated with him in more than 140 characters via Twitter. He brought a smile to my face when he would reply to my random postings. Slowly it turned into conversations. Then it was an exchange of MSN information and Facebook pages.

This man was becoming a solid part of my life.

There was something different. Something optimistic and something that made my heart pound. He was different.

The life buried deep in me showed itself in no time once communication became steady. And by steady, I mean a 24/7 conversation for the last two months.

He makes me smile.

He makes me giggle nervously.

He makes my heart melt, bounce, and shiver all at once.

He makes my skin tingle.

He makes my knees weak and my hands shake.

He makes me bite my lip.

He makes my cheeks rosey.

He makes me feel like perfection. He makes me feel like I deserve it. I deserve to be happy. I deserve a love like his.

I want him for the rest of my life. I've never been able to picture myself with someone else with such ease.

He makes me daydream.

I've never thought about anyone as constantly as I think about him. No one has ever played such a significant part in my life as he does.

He makes me ache for the future. He makes time go quickly and slowly all at once.

Someday, I want to be Ben's wife. I really, really do. We will take things slowly and cautiously, but I'm pretty positive that we both know where this is headed.

He's my Romeo. Well, without the family feuds and swordfights and Shakespeare dialogue. He makes me love drunk. Like a hopeless romantic teenager.

Happiness feels as if it were foreign before Ben came into my life.

I've never pictured myself so vividly in the future. I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

The name has a ring to it. I'd gladly take it as my own.

Ben is the most wonderful person I've ever met. He's not without his flaws, nor goes he have a crystal clear innocent past, but he's perfect. He's my soulmate.

Who he is today is because of who he was yesterday and all of the days prior. Whatever, whoever, brought him to me as is. I am eternally greatful for this blessing.

He's my hopes, my dreams, my future. He has my heart and soul. He is my life.

Ben, I love you more than any of these words can ever express. You're always so considerate and concerned for me. You're perfect, amazing, wonderful, spectacular... You're nothing short of my own personal addiction. I'll never get sick of my fix.

I want it to be you and me forever and ever.

Be my forever and always. I love you to the stars and beyond. Clear across the world until we're together forever.

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